Close My Eyes
by reennii
Summary: Duo remembers his past and what it took to get where he is today. Angsty, with a sappy ending. 1+2/2+1


Title: Close My Eyes Author: reennii (reennii@hotmail.com) Rating: PG? hardly Warnings: Angst, songfic, mentioned past death, bit of shounen ai, sap Archive: Nope, want it just ask *wishful thinking* Pairings: 1+2/2+1, mentioned hints of 5+S Spoilers: Series maybe, Duo's past Feedback: But of course! Be gentle...it's my first songfic.. Disclaimer: These things can really put a damper on your imagination! No, I *sniffle* don't own them. Never will, don't sue..you wont get more than a few busted pens and dried-out markers ^_^; This song belongs to Mariah Carey. Notes: I've heard this song so many times without really *listening* to the lyrics completely. When I did, it struck me just how much this sounded like Duo..in my opinion. I never thought I'd write a songfic but when I heard it I had to write something, anything about it...and this would be the result. Hope at least someone enjoys it!  
  
//lyrics\\  
Close My Eyes  
  
//I was wayward child With the weight of the world That I held deep inside Life was a winding road And I learned many things Little ones shouldn't know\\  
  
The wind blew softly as the sun descended slowly on the horizon. A fine mist flowed through the air, catching in the wayward wisps of hair that flew hazardously across his face. He didn't bother pushing them away. content to sit as he was while the large boat rocked gently back and forth in the light waves. Duo sighed softly, his head pillowed comfortably in the crook of his elbow, arms wrapped loosely around his knee's as he gazed up at the darkening sky. What was he to do now? The war was over. He'd never thought of the possibility of it all coming to an end, let alone living to see it. Of course, he had seen the end of one war but he always knew from when it ended that it wasn't truly over. When he had heard Marimeia speaking out to the earth and colonies, Relena being kidnapped by the fire- haired child, following Heero to save the annoyance formerly know as a Queen, he had had that tell-tale rush of adrenaline. It wasn't over. He was needed in war, he had a purpose in war. Now it was all gone. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. He was scared.  
  
//But I closed my eyes Steadied my feet on the ground Raised my head to the sky And though time's rolled by Still feel like that child As I look at the moon Maybe I grew up A little too soon\\  
  
Duo shivered slightly. He had been so happy to see the end of all the pain and suffering. In that brief moment he had rejoiced, he didn't have to fight anymore. They had fought and they had been victorious. All was safe now and the people of the earth and colonies alike could finally begin to rebuild their lives. But as the moment faded a terrible fear had surfaced. What did he know of peace? What place did he have in a world without war? It had been his motivation, his strength. He lived to fight and avenge those that he had loved and lost. How could he live without it? He knew of nothing else. The others had places to go home to, people to return to. He smiled bitterly at the thought. Quatre had his many sisters, the Maguanacs, his family fortune and business. Trowa had his adopted sister, Catherine, and the circus to call home. WuFei had joined the Preventers, though they all knew it was efficiently his way of keeping near a certain ex-guerilla soldier come doctor, Sally Po, a woman to match his honorable heart and stubborn mind. Then there was Heero. His expression softened at the thought of his best friend and fellow ex-pilot. So strong and hard-willed. He had at first admired the wielder of Wing, his dedication to the mission and his seemingly impenetrable stony mask of indifference. Although the young man had seemed indestructible and inhuman, Duo knew that behind the unchanging expression there had been a boy. A boy as young in heart if not in mind and eye as he was. Heero Yuy had been, despite appearances, a shining light. A never ending life-force that made him feel safe and warm when he thought the cold, never-ending days would finally finish off what was left of his weary soul. Relena had seen it, had been drawn to it, and for a time did whatever she could to stay near.  
  
//Funny how one can learn To grow numb to the madness And block it away I left the worst unsaid Let it all dissipate And I try to forget\\  
  
The dark-haired soldier had reminded him so much of a boy he used to know. The brightness of his being was so alike to the child he had almost mistaken upon the identity of the stranger holding the gun at the young lady on the docks. How ironic, to think at first glance that a young man holding a gun was an angel. But no. Of course he wasn't who he had thought. That he remembered clearly enough. He could almost remember the smell of the boy as they slept, cradled in each others arms to ward off the chill of night. The way his light blonde hair, despite the dirt and grime matting the longish tresses, glinted just so in the artificial sunlight. The way those deep green eyes blinked and closed for the last time as he was held close, as a dearest friend and love. A single tear leaving a clean trail against the dirt-smudged cheek of a companion wishing he could join a lost soul. Boys aren't supposed to cry. He remembered that, from somewhere, but as he watched the burning remains of the only place he had been able to call home, the people he had wished family, he could not stop the hot itch or the salty teardrops from beginning their journey from eyes to young to see what they had. As he held the woman he had once thought a mother to him, when she told him to be a good boy, he had let them fall.  
  
//But I closed my eyes Steadied my feet on the ground Raised my head to the sky And though time's rolled by Still feel like that child As I look at the moon Maybe I grew up A little too soon\\  
  
Standing up abruptly from his crouched position on the low deck of the yacht, Duo wiped his face of invisible tears and looked out at the last rays of sunlight peeking out from where it had decided to rest for the night to come. Some things weren't meant to be and although he wished with all of his heart that it hadn't had to happen the way it had, he knew there was nothing to be done now. He had thought, plenty a time, that if he had been faster he could have saved Solo. If he had been more clever he could have outsmarted those rebels and then Sister Helen and Father Maxwell and the others would still be alive. He had thought...but it did no good to dwell on the past. He found himself doing that a lot lately. His friends were safe, the planet and colonies being rebuilt and everything was well. He felt old. They all did, it was to be expected. But at the young age of 17 he had been through and seen more than he would have liked. They often joked about being the youngest veterans of the war. It had been funny at first.  
  
//Nearing the edge Obvious I almost Fell right over A part of me Will never be quite able To feel stable That woman-child falling inside Was on the verge of fading Thankfully I Woke up in time\\  
  
Duo looked up at the darkened sky and smiled. Nights like this he often enjoyed. The cool evening breeze wafting on and around him, lifting his clothes and ruffling his hair. Flinging his arms out at his sides his spun in lazy circles. His naked feet making next to no sound on the polished wood surface. Humming softly to himself, he made his way across the stern end of the large floating vessel, stopping only when he came to the railing at the edge. Leaning against the cool metal, he watched the moon as is disappeared behind floating clouds only to reappear again but a moment later. This was his escape from the world, from haunting memories and thoughts unwanted. When he looked out into the ocean, he was free. The shallow ripples of the water lapping at the edges of the softly sailing ship. It was easy to focus on something so small. A relief from the everyday worries and fears he had. A sigh. Closing his eyes he inhaled deeply, taking in the sent of clear air and water. He wondered what it would be like to be the air, endless, shapeless with no form, giving life instead of taking it. Oh how that must be. He chuckled softly to himself at the thought.  
  
//Guardian angel I Sail away on an ocean With you by my side Orange clouds roll by They burn into your image And you're still alive\\  
  
"What's so funny?" Came the deep yet soft voice as two well-muscled arms wrapped themselves around his waist, warm breath puffing against his ear. Duo smiled, eyes still closed. Leaning into the broad chest against his back, he relaxed and tucked his head against the other's shoulder. "I didn't hear you come down." He stated. As he wrapped his own arms around the ones at his waist, the one behind him kissed his temple and laid his cheek against the soft hair under his nose. "I was wondering where you went off to this time." Duo peeked up at the other man through his long jagged bangs. "What were you doing out here?" "Just...watching," he replied, looking back out at the water. "And thinking." He felt the a nod against his hair. They stood at the yacht's edge for what seemed like hours before the longhaired man spoke again. "Heero?" "Hmm?" The low hum tickled the hairs at the back of his neck and he waited for a moment before he continued, albeit hastily. "Do you ever..think about the past? The future? What will we do now that there is no--" he was cut off by his dark-haired companion laying a gentle finger against his lips to halt his words. "I do think of my past, yes, but not much. I have no need to think of the future or what it holds for me. I do not need to know as long as I am with you." Heero smiled down at his love. "We don't need anything else." Duo nodded. They kissed softly and gazed out at the stars, knowing everything would be alright. Although fears not yet conquered and hopes to new to be revealed so soon, they knew that when the time came, they would have each other. And that is all they needed.  
  
//But I closed my eyes Steadied my feet on the ground Raise my head to the sky And though time's rolls by Still feel like that child As I look at the moon Maybe I grew up A little too soon\\  
  
Owari 


End file.
